I Just Saw Gigli | discard92's Blog

And it really wasn't as bad as people keep saying it is...

Don't get me wrong.  It's bad.  I hated this freaking movie.  But is it one of the worst films of all time?  No.  Not even close.  I would have expected this movie to get like a 4.5 on IMDb or something.  That's what it deserves.  But to go down in infamy like it did doesn't seem all that logical.


Really, I think it just comes down to people hating both Affleck and Lopez.  Or Bennifer or whatever the hell that stupid-ass Hypocorism is.  People wanted to be a part of that bandwagon.  And with the two of them together in a movie, it must have been like Christmas for those types.  Especially since the movie wasn't any good anyway.


But I have always kind of liked Affleck.  (Bite me).  His talent is analogous to a diamond in the rough.  When he's at his worst, it's pretty awful.  When he's at his best, he's incredible.  The Town and Argo are two of the greatest thrillers I've seen in years.  


Lopez is still trying to scrape together a modicum of talent.  And I'm awaiting her imminent crash and burn as a singer.  Her acting days are long gone and for good reason.  But people (most likely schizophrenics) seem to enjoy her singing.  So, maybe I'm just missing something.  Or I just have better taste than everyone else.  (I'm going with the latter).

Yes, this will kind of be a review...  I'm sorry.

I'll address the issues one at a time.  

The film starts off very promisingly.  With a slightly funny scene involving a kidnapping and a death threat via dryer...  Watch the movie if you're curious.  But getting to the opening credits, we see that it was written by Martin Brest!  The director of Beverly Hills Cop.  And Scent of a Woman (one of my all time favorite movies).  But we soon realize that the story is torn to shreds by its characters:

The main character, Gigli (Affleck), had some potential, cliche as he was.  But through the fault of the writers, he was never fully actualized.  One scene he claims he hated his life.  Why?  We don't get any information on that.  Does he hate being involved in crime?  Why did he get into it?  A poor family life?  His Mom was eccentric and inappropriate, but seemed loving enough.  Is he just a crybaby?  Maybe.  That or the writers half-assed his character.  Affleck tried, but couldn't pull anything off.  I blame him partly, but mostly the character wasn't written well and the story didn't do much with him.


Ricki...  Uh...  Yeah.  Lopez is a candidate for the worst actress of all time.  And this is the magnum opus of her theatrical ineptitude.  She didn't do shit.  It's not as if she didn't try.  It was just like watching quadriplegic trying to scratch her nose.  Not only that, but the character is supposed to come off wise and sweet.  But her first scene displays her as a biotch.  I don't think the writers knew were to take her.  Which indicates that they made this movie up as they went along.  Which never ever works out for any story.  Trust me.  I would know...

She spurts off a bunch of "wise" monologues.  One particularly interesting one was about the natural and all-around universal attraction to the vagina from both sexes.  But most of her ramblings seem to be written by a college drop-out trying to be deep and philosophical.

Then we have Justin Bartha as Brian.  Yeah...  I want to say Rain Man was probably his inspiration for the role, but Goddammit, he tried.  The character was sweetly retarded and would literally jump to vulgar and aggressive. It was like he had tourettes.  Not only is it unnerving to watch, but it doesn't make much sense on a character standpoint.  But that's not the worst of it.  He can go from sweetly retarded, to seemingly homicidal, to terrifyingly creepy.  I know mentally challenged folk might not know what they're saying half the time, but if one (who already has clear anger issues) talks about his penis "sneezing," I probably wouldn't turn my back on him for fear of having the back of my neck "cough"  blood after having a soldering iron plunged into my upper spine.

Moving on from that, the story is filled with holes that a gerbil could notice and there is a really sappy soundtrack that foreshadows some serious sappiness.  It's really insulting how much they're trying to spark your emotions.  It's patronizing to say the least.  Coupled with the borderline offensive subplot about Ricki's lesbianism, this is a movie that could legitimately piss some people off.  Like it did me.

I won't go off on a tangent about how people are born gay.  I believe that homosexuality isn't a choice.  If you're gay, you're gay.  That's all there is to it.  And to have a relationship bloom between these two characters is enough to make any real lesbian want to vomit.  As if that wasn't bad enough. There is no chemistry between the two main leads.  None.  At all.  There relationships spawns out of nowhere.  Neither of them are very good people and nobody would be willing to give either of them a chance.  You'll often ask yourself, "What does he see in her?!"  Or  "What does she see in him?!"

But, onto why it isn't that bad.  The production values are good.  And the cameos are awesome.  Al Pacino's one scene in this movie is enough to make it watchable.  It is so cool to see.  If you have no plans on seeing this movie, just look up that scene.  And you'll be entertained.  I guarantee it.  Christopher Walken's appearance is entertaining too, but he comes up out of nowhere and is abandoned without a second thought.  Almost like the writers forgot all about him.

Moving on to more positives.  Some of the jokes are funny and the actor who plays Louis is also great to watch, even if he does gnaw on the scenery a bit.

In short.  It's a professionally made piece of shit.  Not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination.  But was it enough to destroy Martin Brest's career?  Hell no.  And it pisses me off that it did.  Directors are entitled to a few mistakes.  And just because Brest casted two actors whom everybody wanted to tear apart, his punishment for his flop is theatrical limbo.

Sorry this wasn't very well written.  I'm not all that engaged, but I really wanted to share my opinions about this whole thing.

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